Random Thoughts for October 24, 2009

• The auto parts store Napa is advertising a sale on Old World brand windshield wipers. I suppose it's better than Third World wiper blades, but isn't it kind of stupid to be calling new parts "old"?

• One time, when he was hosting the Daily Show, Craig Kilborn recited a list of Ricky Martin's accomplishments (former member of Menudo, clean-cut teen heartthrob, etc.) and said that it "qualified him for a PhD from Gay University." I'm bringing that up because yesterday in the mail I received my very own copy of the Holiday 2009 Barbie Collector Catalog.

• In other, completely unrelated news, I have already gotten my Christmas gift: a brand-new Singer model 2932 sewing machine. It's got 35 stitch patterns and an automatic threader. I looked at a few of them, and while the Project Runway Edition Brother sewing machine looked good, the Singer seemed better made and was quite a bit heavier, which will keep it stable while I'm trying to use it. My life-partner Chris is excited about this too, because those curtains in the living room have GOT to go. I mean, they're so last year.

• And in case you're wondering, "life-partner Chris" refers to my wife Christine. Comedy, folks. Comedy. Now, if you will excuse me, they're showing a good movie on Logo.

• I recently broke open a fortune cookie and, before I could read the fortune, my kitten swiped it off the table and ate it. I'm not superstitious or anything, but that's not a good omen, is it?

• My wife wants me to make business cards for her, so I dug back in my memory for the last time I designed cards in the 1990's. So after I explained the offset printing process and Pantone colors, we discussed various black and white designs. I went to Kinko's website to check the prices. You know what? The prices haven't changed—$50 for 1000 cards—but that price now includes edge-to-edge, full-color printing. I guess this is what happens when you can't find a steady job in the graphic art field for twenty years.

• After singing for their breakfast this morning, my parakeets have gone back to sleep on their perch. What a perfect way to spend a rainy Saturday. Unfortunately, I have to go paint a green tractor.

• Wait, you might be thinking, a green tractor? Why? Well, it's like this: My sister-in-law's sister-in-law asked me to paint three tractors for her son: a red one, a blue one, and one with a barn. I did some research and learned that red tractors are made by a company called Cockshutt (no lie) and blue tractors are made by Ford, and I had no problem painting those two tractors. The third painting, which remember has to have the barn in it, gave me some trouble. I figured a barn would be red, so I thought a green tractor would go with it nicely, and of course green tractors are John Deere tractors. So I looked at a few photos of Deeres, and I got ready to paint away... and then I got mononucleosis. Which means I wasn't able to stay awake for more than two hours at a time. This is a serious hamper on the creative process, but I juked out the same warm cream background I'd painted for the other two (to keep it consistent) and I laid in a barn... and I screwed it up. Screwed it up I did, as only a tired hand with a paint brush in it could. That's okay because I smartly bought four canvases instead of three. So now I've got to start over. So, Jenny, if you're reading this, this is why I'm not done yet.

• So, reading between the lines, you see I have to go get my butt in gear and start painting a green tractor. The birds even started chattering at me to get back to the easel. Either that, or it was Lou Bega's "Mambo Number Five" that woke them up. Yeah, I know, everyone's over that song, but it's still in my playlist and I see no reason to remove it.
  
  So there.