Random Thoughts, and Yes, I know It's Been A While

• Okay, so I saw this Christmas ornament for sale, and no matter how hard I look at it, it sincerely looks like Santa is chucking the bird. For that reason, I sincerely approve and endorse this product.

• I decided to skip lunch today and instead had a bottled water and a bag of Stacy's "Simply Naked" Pita Chips. You know what? I feel much better not having had some greasy slop scraped off the grill.

• We're doing another craft show tomorrow... I'll let you know how it comes out. I'm going to take pictures of the display so you can see the trees I made for Chris to hang her jewelry off of. Tonight, I have to put the finishing touches to those trees.

• If cleanliness is next to godliness, then explain John the Baptist. I mean the man ate bugs.
• Christmas is coming, of course, and that means buying presents. I like buying presents, I really do. It's just that the phone company wants to get paid in December, too.
• The other day I was eating at some Asian buffet and they started playing "My Heart Will Go On" in Chinese. And you thought it was annoying in English.
• I don't know why everyone is shocked that Tiger Woods cheated on his wife, other than the fact that she looked like the type of woman other men cheat on their wives with. Since when is anyone shocked by marital infidelity among the obscenely rich?
• And as far as that voice mail message was concerned, he called and said "Hey, this is Tiger." What other non-porn-star adult goes by the name Tiger? And once you've established a sexual relationship with a woman, do you really have to tell her who you are when you call her?
• They gave out free cookies at work today, so I suppose technically I had a bag of pita chips and two peanut butter cookies. But that's still an improvement.
• Hey, when you're paying your bills this month just remember there are two C's in my last name.
• I'm going to try to draw a few cartoons. There: I said it. If they don't totally suck, I'll post them. I know a few cartoonists and it will be interesting to see what they think.
• You know what I miss? Halfway predictable weather patterns. That's what I miss.
• I want to start sewing handbags. How gay is that? Next thing you know I'll be following Harvey Fierstein on Twitter...
• Okay, now that my desk is covered in fine granules of pita chips, it's time to resume work.